Stolen or Lost

Flower calls from Saarbrucken crying her eyes out. She says she had her wallet stolen somewhere between the Neubrucke train station and there and got off the train to call and report it. She was looking for a way to get back because she had no money. I felt bad for her. Poor girl who doesn't speak german lost in the middle of nowhere. So I gave her the staff duty number to her unit and told her to come in and make a formal report when she got back.
She cam in a little while later and, while we only handle lost ID cards, I had the patrol take an additional statement from her, just to make her feel good. She thanks me and leaves.
The interpreter comes into the desk area a couple days later and says that there is someone in the Polizei station claiming that a taxi driver stole their wallet. I asked what their name was and it turned out to be the same flower. The linguist took care of the phone call and minutes later, someone turned in her wallet in a brown paper bag with her name and address on it. I began calling around to get in touch with her. I sent a patrol to her room and told them to tell her that we needed to do some more paperwork on her case. Unfortunately, my coworker was unaware of this and she called in, so he told her that we have her wallet.
Well, we wanted to screw around and have a little fun with the girl that had already wasted our time and accused a German national of stealing her wallet, when in fact she was just irresponsible. She came in and I had her take a seat downstairs and wait while the investigator with access to the property room (me) was called in to get her wallet (found my motivation to pick it up off the desk and give it back). We had her sit downstairs for fifteen minutes or so and then I had the patrol tell her that the investigator was on his way and would be there shortly. She came upstairs and I told her it would be about ten more minutes. Sergeant Marine was off to the side. I told her to wait more and I made up a fake 4137 evidence form. Sergeant Marine played Desk Specialist for a minute and I walked around with the girl's wallet , had her sign for the stuff and sent her on her way. While she checked to see if everything was there, she tore EVERYTHING out of the wallet. Once again, wasting our time. She claimed that there was money missing, but all her IDs and credit cards were there.
We never told her that we knew she was a lying, untrustworthy, conniving little snitch. But we made her wait over an hour for something that usually takes less than one minute to take care of. Needless to say, we all got a wonderful laugh out of the whole situation. Moral of the story is, don't blame your troubles on other people.

Surfing

So I cruise around on this site. It's the only video site that doesn't get blocked at work, besides this one of course. I was looking up comedians, mostly mainstream ones because they have more videos, when I ran across this one.

Biceps from Peter Berkman

I found this interesting in many ways. One is that about two years ago, Bret reccomended a documentary put out by produced by Jamie Kennedy and directed by Michael Addis called Heckler. A very funny and interesting film about all types of entertainers getting heckled and how they handle it. Some of them even sit down with the hecklers and ask them why they think the entertainers aren't doing a good job. One of the female entertainers even admits to having been a heckler when she was drunk at somebody's show. I highly reccomend this to everyone else. You will not regret watching it. I also find his bicep pick up technique interesting.

Streak

Sean told me last night that he has a four month running good luck charm. Every Saturday night he orders a kabob and a large coke from Cihan's. The people who work there know him by name. They delivered it within minutes and it worked for most of the night. We didn't have any big incidents until the morning when people got stupid after getting drunk for the night. We had no cases except two in the morning and we didn't have to finish them, so it worked for the most part. I'm wondering if I will find a good luck charm to work for me. It would be nice if I did and it worked every night I work. I think it's funny there's a chinese restaurant in Europe. Oh, the wonders of the tArmy in Europe.

Definitions

Every morning at 0800 the MP station does what's called a blotter brief. Allow me to shred everything that is holy by pointing out all the things that are wrong with this little antic. . .

First of all, and most obvious to those who are involved, it is FAR from brief. This mini holiday can last up to an hour and a half, depending on the work load we had the previous day, how many mistakes were made overall and whether or not Godd (Todd) is in a good mood.

On and on he continues throughout the entire session with small comments and rhetorical questions. The thing I find most strange about him is that he has a small speach impediment. Every time he asks his questions, they only turn rhetorical because nobody believes any of them merit a response. Then, as if he has enlightened everyone in the room, or he is smarter and superior to us, or maybe he honestly believes it's funny. . . he laughs ever so sarcasticly. I like to think that he laughs because he really thinks it's funny because he's the only one in the room laughing out of five or six people.

On a closing note I would like to recommend the book Arguing with Idiots by Glenn Beck. I really enjoy Glenn's antics.

In Person

Saturday I was helping the Sergeant Major put up signs with her picture on them. Myself and George had just come back inside from him smoking and I sat down while someone, who appeared to be an E7, asked him for a lighter. I just stared at this guys chest because he looked like he was twelve and I was wondering why a Sergeant First Class was working the IOC on a weekend. He disappeared and, after a while, came back and returned my buddy's lighter. I looked at my friend and he stared at me as if to say, "Was that what I thought it was?" I suggested that maybe he was a special forces "baby". I still couldn't figure out what was going on. UNTIL, this guy walks out of the office with E2 rank on his chest in place of the E7 rank he was wearing just minutes before. Then my buddy starts talking to me about how stupid it is for us to have to work on a Saturday. This guy cuts in and says, "Yeah, we can't ever have any fun with the Sergeant Major and Colonel here. In my mind I'm thinking, "If this guys perception of fun is impersonating a higher rank, then he's got another thing coming." I got a summarized article 15 for impersonating an NCO of the same pay grade as myself, SPC to CPL. I'd hate to think what they'd do to him. I think I'm going to hang out at post headquarters more often and look for a short, happy and young SFC Steadman. That's a HUGE dime!

Working at Work

Oh, glorious blog. You understand me like no other. Though I do not always make sense, you always listen. I am always right and I can vent for hours on end without the fear of reprocussion or harrassment.

Today I took a PT test. I hate running. I hate running for the tArmy (I call it the tArmy to disrespect it). I hate running for the tArmy because they don't let me wear headphones while taking a PT test. Though I haven't been given the opportunity to prove it to anyone other than myself, I run much MUCH faster when listening to music. I'm sure most of you agree, however it's the powerful few who disagree that keep that from changing. I think one or two dead soldiers, due to the fact that they couldn't hear, is worth a higher PT average in the tArmy, if not the entire military. I believe that's why we have five, some would argue six, senses. . . so we don't get dead (ha ha, "get dead") because we like to listen to music and run. I also believe it would be a good weed out for those who are too stupid to pay attention while running across, or along, the street. If it were up to me. . . well, it's not. So I best not speculate.

The PT test, as fun as it may sound, was not the highlight of my day. Immediately following my run, we stepped back inside the gym to cool down before walking back to my room. I was standing with three high ranking individuals. The highest ranking one, a Sergeant First Class, commented about how retarded some signs were that I had helped the Sergeant Major hang up over the weekend. Not a split second later she walked past us as we said hello to her. I thought it was funny because if she hadn't had her ear muffs on, she probably would have heard his comment. If only the command could hear our thoughts on some of the crazy stuff they ask us to do.